Parenting
as a
Friend

Handling Trouble

Bonding could be a natural thing in every Family, but it seems it gets lost most of the time when Parents make the mistake of putting relationship second to discipline. We have to know that with connected kids, orders and manners are kept more easy and naturally, and that as long as we focus on the relationship, the discipline will come along. This does not mean that it is not a bumpy ride some days, but still it is the easiest and more natural way.

So there is a few things that will help us in not loosing our kids connection when confronted by trouble, the first one is, No Shouting: there should be no shouting in the house, this raises the tension and base the relationship in fear, sooner or later the fear is gone but the closeness of the relationship gets damaged. Although there may be situations when this becomes unavoidable, raising the voice should never be common, as it is something useless in parenting in the long run.

Trust: do not treat your kids like criminals; handle things from trust and do not call them liars or see them from a negative angle. Kids will always try to fill our expectations so do not shoot yourself in the foot for that matter.

Times Out: I was amazed to see how well Time Outs (when a kid misbehaves you leave her in a different room by herself, a minute for every year of age of the kid) worked with my kids when I used them (although I did not use them a lot, simply because my instinct did not like completely the results even before I understood how important was a relationship when raising kids).

Now it is clear to me why Time Outs work so well: nothing is more frighting to kids as being by themselves, they get so scare of the situation that comply to our orders right away, which would be great, if eventually the time out not resulted in losing our connection with our kids.

The problem with Time Outs and punishment in general should be clear to you now, they should not be made if first the bond is not strong between parents and kids. To punish your kids without first being their main support in their lives or by sacrificing your relationship just makes them fall in their peers to search for that special bond they wont get from us. Once this happens you as Parent will be neglected and your kids world will be set up by their friends ideas and opinions, and you can not even begin to compare the love of a parent with one of a kids friend, in fact not even know what their Friend's intentions will be.

Let your Kids face the consequences of their misbehavior but by not means lost or sacrifice your relationship with them for some bad attitude or incident that may have happened. It is worth to notice that is precisely when kids seem to behave more badly and need our love and affection the least is when is more critical we give it to them. I wish there could be a mathematical or magical formula to deal with these situations but I guess is when your creativity and judgment should surface to deal with those days that inevitably will come.

Crying: when kids cry or are moody, let them do so: crying is just a way for them to reset their minds from frustrations and fears that have added up, it is a natural way for them to energize again, so when your kid seems to be crying a lot for some trivial thing keep in mind that in reality is just rewiring from bottled up feelings and situations.

Next Chapter: How to Bond